self-control
SELF-CONTROL
In the early months of a new year, many of us think about self-control more than we usually do. Perhaps this is our first mistake.
’Tis the season for embarking on New Year’s resolutions, new goals, planning what to give up for Lent—or deciding to forego these secular and spiritual practices for the sake of our mental health. Whatever choices we make, in the process, we become very aware of our own self-control, or lack thereof.
Merriam-Webster defines self-control as “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires.” Even though we exercise restraint in many of these areas, all of us still do things that we want to stop but can’t, or can’t figure out how to do the things we desire to do (Rom. 7:19). Often we get stuck in a rut.
In the Bible, the Apostle Paul has a lot to say about self-control. He even lists self-control among the good gifts from God that are given to Christians, who live by the Spirit: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). These are given to us when we live in the freedom that we have received in Christ.
I confess that my own experience of trying to exercise self-control doesn’t usually feel like freedom. I worry about this fruit and believe that I just need more willpower to implement the life changes I want to make. Other people seem to be able to discipline themselves to wake up early, be patient with their kids, stick to a budget, lose a few pounds, organize their homes, and run marathons. But I grow weary and lose heart.
The Bible never talks about willpower. Paul viewed self-control as a matter of the heart, not the will. When we set our heart on something, freedom often follows. Pastor Tim Keller calls this “JOY-power,” and I think he’s onto something.
We know the ONE thing that we can set our hearts on that brings us JOY-power (Jesus, duh!), but many times our hearts are actually set on things like: Career success! Financial stability! A healthy body! A committed relationship! For people to think well of me! For people to like me! We start to believe that self-control is the root and not the fruit.
Here is where the power of the Gospel turns things upside down. Although OUR hearts are misdirected, Jesus sets HIS heart on us. As Tim Keller puts it: “Even though you are deeply flawed and you will always be deeply flawed, because of what Jesus Christ did on your behalf on the cross, if you believe in him, the Father’s love for you is now as lofty as the stars, as unchanging and inexorable as the mountains; you are endlessly, infallibly, unconditionally delighted in by God.” God is always faithful. We cannot lose God’s love.
The author of Hebrews says to fix our eyes on Jesus, who, “for the joy set before him… endured the cross, scorning its shame… so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (Hebrews 12:1-3). Where did Jesus get the self-control to endure the cross? What was the greatest passion of his heart? What was “the joy set before him”? Could it possibly have been… you and me?!
Maybe when our eyes are opened to see Jesus enduring because WE are his joy and delight, then we will be able to endure because HE has become our joy and delight. And that’s how self-control becomes a fruit of the Holy Spirit. When we don’t need to worry about ourselves because there is a God who delights in us no matter what, our hearts are open to receive the gift of JOY-powered self-control. And this kind of self-control is not constraining. It actually sets us free.
